


Cursed (Blessed)

by Shirohime



Series: Demons all around us [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 13:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14716781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirohime/pseuds/Shirohime
Summary: Your mind can be a dark place.Believing helps some people overcome.





	Cursed (Blessed)

They all had given up on him. 

Not that he actually was mad at them for doing so. No, he understood it. Kind of. There just were things a normal human had trouble grasping and coping with and he was one of those things. 

He had given up on himself as well. A long time ago. But society was cruel and they wouldn't let him go. 

It was both a relief and frustrating. 

It didn't make things better to grieve about the past or possibilities that he'd not taken or messed up, though. 

So instead he tried focusing on the others. 

Sam had refused to leave their shared room, he hadn't been doing well in over a month now. Dean had overheard them planning to change the dosage of meds once again. 

He wished he could help his brother. But the only thing he could do was to stay and forgive his little brother for beating him up so badly yet not killing him. 

It would've been a good thing to happen. If even Sammy saw him as evil... What good could his existence ever be?

Blood dripped down his right arm. 

He hadn't realized how his nails dug into the flesh, the pain didn't even register in his brain. 

He was a freak. 

Everyone else had control over themselves, wouldn't be so stupid to harm themselves this stupidly. 

Hate weighed him down like tar poured over his head. 

He wanted to hurt. To repent his sins, be purified of the demon he had become because honestly, he was so angry at himself for not being a good person. 

Tentative fingers warmed his shoulder. 

Blue eyes, a sea to drown in, framed by a frown. 

"Dean?"

Castiel's voice rumbled through the thoughts in his head and he closed his eyes, repressing pathetic tears. 

Forcefully he released the death grip he had going on on his own arms and put on a large smile. 

"Heya, Cas. What's up?", the words felt like betrayal as they ran over his tongue into freedom, sweet freedom tasting like happiness.

"You are bleeding. Charlie is getting a nurse. Are you okay?", blue eyes asked, sincere worry dripping down his chin.

Dean hated it. Hated the worry, the fact that he didn't have enough control to hide his unimportant issues from even his friends. If they even truly were his friends. 

He really wanted to believe Cas was his friend for his personality and not because of pity. Then he remembered how awful he was and how pure Castiel shone in daylight.

"Yeah, forgot my own strength for a second. Must have been working out more than I realized." 

He gave a crooked smile, aiming for bashful and landing at pained. 

His friend hummed, eyes squinting in disbelief but both men knew that was the end of it. Neither would push it further. 

Meg came to take care of his wounds, trying to and failing to get through to Dean. 

He just wanted to go lay down and close his eyes. His mind was going a thousand miles a minute and had him bound in shackles. 

Focusing on anything out of keeping himself together was nearly impossible. 

They let him retreat into the room he shared with Sam. 

His younger brother was sitting on his bed in a position that reminded Dean of a pretzel. 

But he was ways away from wanting to tease Sammy. 

Instead he silently crawled into his own bed on the opposite side of the room, watching his brother's face twitch and the scowl deepen on his features. 

Dean leaned back onto the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest loosely. 

"Do you believe in Angels?"

His own voice surprised him. It wouldn't be unlikely for Sam to attack him in such a state, break his bones and tear his skin again to ease the voices. Maybe that's why he had spoken up. 

He didn't see the younger's face in response, or even if the other had heard him at all. He just leaned back, eyes closed and listening to his own breath. 

"Why do you ask?", Sammy's voice was rough at the edges but it was such a surprise to hear him answer that it made Dean's lips twitch into a smile anyways.

"I think Castiel is an angel." 

A snort was the answer. 

"If he is an angel then why is he here?"

"Maybe he's here to help us. Yknow, ain't angels s'posed to be all helpful to humanity?"

Silence broke free for a long while and when Dean opened his eyes, he found Sam staring at him with the usual tension but also a contemplative look. 

When he spoke up, his voice was low and soft:"If he is an angel, a real-life angel, I am happy he came for you." 


End file.
